I don't need a baby growing inside me for nine months. For one thing, there's morning sickness. If I'm going to feel nauseous and achy when I wake up, I want to achieve that state the old fashioned way: getting good and drunk the night before.
Ellen DeGeneres, My Point and I Do Have One
US comedian and actress
In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.
Mark Twain
US humorist, novelist, short story author, & wit (1835 - 1910)
Most people are bothered by those passages of Scripture they do not understand, but the passages that bother me are those I do understand.
Mark Twain
US humorist, novelist, short story author, & wit (1835 - 1910)
Never pretend to a love which you do not actually feel, for love is not ours to command.
Alan Watts
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